Lists....

I've always been a great one for lists ~ to-do lists, grocery lists, reminders, birthdays ~ I never met a list that didn't challenge me in some way.

Yesterday, I was doing my devotions yet I was feeling ordinary and unchanged, going through the motions. It bothered me in the newness of a new year that I wasn't feeling the refreshment of faith that I always associate with newness along with the usual diet and exercise mantra that begins with the annual turning point. I couldn't really put my finger on what was causing this lapse, and I was reminded of expressing gratitude as a kickstart to my spiritual well being. I was surprised at first how difficult it was to find things for my gratitude list. Of course, I was thankful for David's employment, an answer to prayer that had been ongoing throughout the previous year, my health which seemed steady and solid, and the year's personal financial stability that kept its strength regardless of our family employment status and world unsteadiness. And yet, there were so many prayers that seemed unanswered ~ my sons' salvation and submission to God, friends that were ill and not healed, some living in difficult social circumstances, broken personal relationships, my unresolved marital status ~ with so much unaddressed, my fleshly self was attaching unanswered prayer to my dwindling attitude of gratitude.

Yet, there was this list. I was looking for grandiose results to list, dramatic answers to prayer yet lacking that, it became apparent just how much in my life I had yet to surrender. I prayed that God would open my eyes to what was standing in the way of the thankfulness list and it became apparent that my problem was not located in my "gratitude attitude" but in my "surrender center."  The real problem was centered deep in my heart: Who was really in charge of my life, family, accomplishments, provisions and possessions? Oh Lord, release me from such selfishness!  Without You, none of what I am or what I have is worth anything. I may have worked hard to afford this or that and to gain favor with this one and that one, but without You....nothing.  My list of things to be thankful for could not progress unless I was willing to get myself out of the way of those things that mattered to me and how such things came to be.  I did not get there or get them because I worked hard or bargained better ~ all those things that really mattered were there because of God's grace...pure and simple, just as I am His daughter by His grace.

I accomplished my thankfulness list yesterday after some chastisement and repentance and would encourage anyone who feels spiritual dullness to take on the task. It may not be as easy as you might think, and may reveal to you some spiritual blockades you may have not realized you've been hiding behind. I pray God will change you as you take on the task and continue it throughout the year.

My list today?  God is my _____________.  Hum a few worship songs and you'll get a good start. Pray that God will reveal Himself to you and remind you of who He is and will always be to you. Now to find the verses that stand for those qualities. I'm on item 18 so far!

^{Isaiah 55:8, 9
8} “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
⁹ “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts