Beginning Again

12 October 2011

 Although I know that God never intended me to feel like I'm a mess, sometimes there is no denying that I do.  One look in the mirror testifies against any thoughts that I am becoming more holy or righteous simply by reading my devotions, becoming involved in a local church and plowing through the Bible in a year.  Living holy and righteous in Jesus requires me to strive to be like him.  I'm really good at learning about Him, but I'm really bad at taking on the action required to be like Him. 

I like to think of my weight issue as a symptom as well as evidence of my disobedient sin nature.  On the plus side, I've  had some success in identifying, confronting and working through other disobedient elements in my personality (i.e. successfully putting aside sinful sexual needs, cursing, smoking and alcohol) through God’s gentle patience and teaching, but for some reason, the eating problem has clung to me like my own skin.  So long has this struggle existed, that obesity has become an ordinary part of my life, not an exception or passing fancy.  My dress size has had an "X" attached to its number since childhood, and only briefly have I been able to rip that X off, only to find it back on with the slightest lifestyle challenge.

Do I want to lose weight?  You bet I do.  I've long ago given up the vision of wearing stylish clothes and having men follow my slinky body, but in my old age and new chapter of a mature life in Christ, the vision is now one of obedience. Its like unfinished business that He has waited long enough for me to attend to. I can think of all kinds of tools and tricks to accomplish this, but to make this a life-long change, like many of the other obstacles of disobedience I have overcome, there are no better tools than faithful prayer, submission of will and accountability to my sisters. God has gone before me in battle all the way, and He will go before me in this battle, too.

Why Do I Want to Do This?

1. My body appearance and eating habits do not glorify God and the Kingdom of Heaven.

2. Its expensive to live with these eating habits.  Fruits and vegetables may be expensive and require preparation, but imagine how much it costs to maintain a diet of take-out food and snacks on top of the every-day food I eat. At some point, I’d like to quantify that!

3. Its expensive and inconvenient to clothe this overblown body.  Even with the internet, I can’t purchase clothes for any occasion and have them available immediately, much less afford what I have to pay to have them.

4. My health is undeniably in the balance here.  The higher my weight, the harder it is to control diabetes, no matter how many sugars I eliminate.  Diabetes out of control can destroy what’s left of my good body function, send me back to the despair of blindness and mobility limitations and rob me of many years in God’s service and family life. Medications are expensive.

5. I am a bad example to my family and to those God sends to me to teach and disciple.

6. In my own mind, I am limited in what I can accomplish because of my weight.  My self-image is greatly impacted and has always been impacted by my excess weight.

7. I don’t fit in places I’d like to fit – it even impacts my working, my ability to sit comfortably, entertainment and recreation and even my driving. Do I really want to pay for an extra airline seat or cause the person next to me on the train or bus discomfort?

8. There is nothing like an obese, lumpy body to bring public opinion against oneself.  If you want to bring out the ill-directed humor and criticism inherent in most humans, just put that body on public display!

I saved 10 cents and 85 calories by having a one-egg omelet instead of two!

*     Lord, lead the way, I pray ~ the problem with seeing Your part in this is forgetting to look right in front of me where You stand at the ready.  Open my eyes so that I can see your plan and your solutions.  Humble my heart, Lord, so that I can relinquish control to you in areas where I feel so helpless.  Help me to let go of old habits, and let the decision to minister to my physical body be a decision to give you glory in the person you've created.  I'm ready, Lord, and sorry to have kept you waiting!